conan
14-03-2003, 19:10
Here you go peeps, bit of a laugh at the end of the week:)
5K-Run Ruined When Terrorist Wins Race
Avalon, NJ - The participants of the 23rd Annual Memorial Day 5K-Run — proudly donning their official "Terrorism Won't Win" race T-shirts — were extremely dismayed to learn the race was won by a terrorist.
"It's just really disturbing that the theme of our race this year is 'Terrorism Won't Win' and an actual terrorist came in first. Looks like terrorism did win… and in record time," said Avalon resident Richard Comstock. "Man, and we spent months coming up with that stupid slogan…"
Other slogans considered by the 5K-Run committee were, "These Colors Don't Run," "Zero Tolerance for Terrorists," "No Time for Terror," "Run for America, Not from Terror" and the old standby, "Beer, Its Not Just For Breakfast Anymore."
The winner, Rafiq Hassan, is a member of the Al Qaeda National Running Club. The Club's sole purpose (as stated on their website) is, "To defeat all fat, slow Americans in their silly little races and in turn, demoralize the country and bring down the insidious capitalist system. We also wish to stay in shape and get a good cardio workout."
Mike Davies, owner of Colonel Crabbies' Crab Shack, who "ran" the race in 45:23, was very "****ed off" after hearing the news. "This is why we need background checks on runners with Arabian names. It may not seem fair, like what we did to the Chinese in those camps in the Civil War, but hey, it's better to be safe than sorry."
Some spectators were able to see a bright side. Said homemaker Ruth Demsky, who watched from the sidelines, "I have to say that the long white gown and turban were an improvement over the other runners' garish multicolored singlets and lycra short-shorts. I mean, jeez, there's children here. It's bad enough that they saw terrorism win, but do they really need to see every other runners' nasty bits swinging in the breeze?"
Hassan was very happy with his victory and winning time of 14:57, beating his nearest filthy American competitor by two minutes. "I felt really good out there… nice, fast course. It was a perfect day to run, have fun and praise Allah and wish imminent death to your satanic leader George Bush."
It's only meant as a bit of fun so no war rants please:)
5K-Run Ruined When Terrorist Wins Race
Avalon, NJ - The participants of the 23rd Annual Memorial Day 5K-Run — proudly donning their official "Terrorism Won't Win" race T-shirts — were extremely dismayed to learn the race was won by a terrorist.
"It's just really disturbing that the theme of our race this year is 'Terrorism Won't Win' and an actual terrorist came in first. Looks like terrorism did win… and in record time," said Avalon resident Richard Comstock. "Man, and we spent months coming up with that stupid slogan…"
Other slogans considered by the 5K-Run committee were, "These Colors Don't Run," "Zero Tolerance for Terrorists," "No Time for Terror," "Run for America, Not from Terror" and the old standby, "Beer, Its Not Just For Breakfast Anymore."
The winner, Rafiq Hassan, is a member of the Al Qaeda National Running Club. The Club's sole purpose (as stated on their website) is, "To defeat all fat, slow Americans in their silly little races and in turn, demoralize the country and bring down the insidious capitalist system. We also wish to stay in shape and get a good cardio workout."
Mike Davies, owner of Colonel Crabbies' Crab Shack, who "ran" the race in 45:23, was very "****ed off" after hearing the news. "This is why we need background checks on runners with Arabian names. It may not seem fair, like what we did to the Chinese in those camps in the Civil War, but hey, it's better to be safe than sorry."
Some spectators were able to see a bright side. Said homemaker Ruth Demsky, who watched from the sidelines, "I have to say that the long white gown and turban were an improvement over the other runners' garish multicolored singlets and lycra short-shorts. I mean, jeez, there's children here. It's bad enough that they saw terrorism win, but do they really need to see every other runners' nasty bits swinging in the breeze?"
Hassan was very happy with his victory and winning time of 14:57, beating his nearest filthy American competitor by two minutes. "I felt really good out there… nice, fast course. It was a perfect day to run, have fun and praise Allah and wish imminent death to your satanic leader George Bush."
It's only meant as a bit of fun so no war rants please:)